Tales Of A Typical Lagos Boy

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For me, there is nothing as exhilarating as being served a hot plate of Nkwobi at mama Choco place after a terrific day at work. The mainland is true, a hub of unending struggles. But mama Choco’s restaurant is where single, cool-headed guys like me settle to devour several wraps of Fufu and native soups.

So there I sat, at my favorite corner in her shop, waiting for one of the sales girls to serve me what I had ordered for…

There was a lady, probably in her early 30s, who sat almost adjacent to where I sat. Her table was decorated with emptied nylon wraps and two plates containing a residue of soup which suggests that she had just finished two or three rounds of food before I came in. She gradually drank the bottle of water she held as her head was fixed on her phone, she scrolled with impatience as though she was looking for a lost file or phone contact.

Since she was not the food I came to eat, I rolled my eyes back to the food counter where mama Choco was and raised my hand into the air, twisting my wrist towards her direction. The salesgirl was taking longer than usual. Perhaps, they were still preparing the menu I ordered.

No matter how poor mama Choco service maybe, she obviously can’t lose any customers because she knows how to make one gulp saliva with just the aroma of her food. While the area is not luxuriously furnished, it is cozy and usually welcomes a few people each time I go there.

Sooner enough, I discovered that I had waited for about forty minutes. No sign of the salesgirl bringing my food, mama Choco was nowhere to be found, the lady who sat adjacent to me was still there. But this time, she was looking seriously nervous and imbalanced.

Before I could observe much, I saw mama Choco herself coming to my direction. Just when I was about to give a sigh of relief, I noticed she had no tray on her hands.

”What the f**k does she want to ask me again after I have given them the details of my order already?” I said to myself, quite irksomely.

She reached where I sat and passed…

My eyes followed her as she walked to meet the lady.

That was when the whole drama started. I’ve never seen mama Choco in such an infuriated and outrageous reaction, especially towards a customer.

“Madam! For over one hour you don dey here, you chop two plate talk say your bobo dey come…that trick nor fit work for me. You think sey I be small pikin shey?” mama choco exclaimed, hitting her wide palms on the table.

“Calm down ma, why are you creating a scene here? I’ve told you that my boyfriend has told me he’ll meet me here, I’m pretty sure it is traffic that is…” the lady tried the explain.

“Traffic for one hour! Madam I nor go look sey you sabi English or you dress fine… if I call dem boys for you, you go find my money kia kia”

“If I had the money I would have paid… my boyfriend is on his way, we planned to meet here this evening…”

“Shey you nor dey shame? You better find me my money or beg all these uncles wey dey here because if my money pass another minute you nor go like yourself!” mama Choco was angrily serious with all the words she churned out.

As the lady tried to respond, a young man stood up and tried to settle the matter. He also offered to pay for the lady bill and calmed mama Choco.

Upon collecting the money from the man, mama Choco gave the lady a mockery look, a long hiss, and departed.

“Madam, where is my food, I’ve been waiting for 50 minutes now…” I tried to stop her as she passed my table.

“Ah Oga, No vex…which soup you say you want that time?” she replied.

I was speechless…